Friday, December 31, 2010

Fair trade

A husband comfortably lay down on the couch before his wife comes in and ask

"Can you fix the light in the bathroom for me?"

"Do you think I work for General Electric?" The husband replied.

"Can you fix the refrigerator?" The wife asked again.

"Do you think I work for Samsung?" same replied by the husband.

"So, can you just bring the parcel to the post office please?" The wife asked for one last time.

"Let me tell you something. I don't work for FedEx either ok?" The husband cruelly replied.

The husband feels so annoying by his wife and angrily leaves the house. When he got home. He surprisingly found that the light and refrigerator were well fixed and the parcel was gone. He asked his wife. "How do you handle all of these?"

The wife said "Well, I was crying in front of the house when you leave. One guy walked pass andask if there was anything he can help. I told him everything and he offers me that he would do everything for me if I either makes love with him or bake him some cookies.

The husband asked. "So, what kind of cookies did you make for him?"

"Cookies? Do you think I work for Oreo?" Replied by his wife.

Satu Bulan

Huhuhuhu. Tgh berabut kepala otak aku skrg. Bukak2 sem je dah ade kerja menanti. Pesta Hoki aku kena buat report. Ok fine. Ekspen aku kena tulis surat utk dptkn sponsor. TOT plk aku tgh blur dgn kerja aku. X tau nk buat apa. Dahla JPA msk hjg bulan Februari. Adoiiii. Serabut aku dibuatnya. Kalau sem lps xpe la. Xda roommate. Ada la cr aku nk release tensyen. Tp sem ni aku kena pindah bilik bwh. Ada roommate plk tu. Bkn sorg tp 2 org.

Ok fine. Aku bg ms 1 bln utk aku adapt dok bilik kecik ni dgn 3 org penghuni. Yes. You read it right. 3 ORANG. Tensyen aku wei. Tp nsb baik yg sorg tu x sampai lg. Msh luas jgk la. Tggu la bila sorg tu lg dah sampai. Adoi. Confirm semak. Yg ada dgn aku skrg bkn roommate aku yg btl. Kwn dia yg dtg mnumpang. Yup. MENUMPANG & AKU RASA X BAYAR. Sng2 je kan dia nak dok free sdg kn aku byr sewa bilik. Dh la dia ada pakej nightmare aku. 1, Dia merokok. 2, Dia suka bkk lagu time tido. Dah la 2 bnda ni yg mmg plg aku x suka, terutamanya yg ke-2 tu. I cannot sleep when there is noise around. Seriously, dh semggu ni aku x ckp tido. Mata layu je. Dah la mata mmg dh sepet. Tambah kemengantukan aku lg, tambahla sepet. Huhuhu. Hrp2 aku blh adapt. Kalau x mmg aku akan tulis surat la mtk tkr bilik. Doakan yg terbaik utk aku. Amin....

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Employee Memo

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor.

You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others.

We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I...T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T).

This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T. Thank you for your time. !

Sincerely,

The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training. (The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T)

Semester Baru, Masalah Lama

Fuh.... (tiup ckit). Dh berdebu blog ni. Lama sgt x update. Ye la. Bila dok rmh mls ckit nak update. Nk bersama famili tercinta (ceeewah...).

Baru sampai USM tgh hari smlm. Penat giler punggah2 brg dr stor. 4 kali ulang alik. Nsb baik bilik tgkt 2. Kalau tingkat 4 mcm sem lps, blh turun 10 kg agaknya. Hahahaha....

X sampai 1 mggu pun, dah ada problem. 1stly, ada bdk2 junior yg x leh daftar HTU223 (TITAS). Ni problem sistem la ni agaknya. Sem lps mslh dgn SHE101 (Hbgn Etnik). Hmmmm, masalah yg sama berulang lg. Pastu tdpt confusion ttg MAA161 (Statistik) nk dftr sbg jenis apa. Ada yg ckp E, ada plak yg ckp M & ada plak yg ckp T. Aku dftr sbg E sbb aku percaya kt senior yg dah graduate. Ye la, kalau dh grad tu mkna nya btl la agaknya. Dh smbg master dh pun. So, it's not wrong to trust them. Tp pndt aku, sidang2 akan dtg, baik nyatakan dengan jelas & terang subjek tu nak daftar sbg apa sbb tny dkt staf kt skul pun diaorg ckp masalah ni dh lama sbnrnya & slalu berulang. Klas ZCA101 (Fizik 1) pun ada masalah yg lg berat. Td bdk2 pendidikan mtk tukar jadual sbb clash. Bincang2, alih x jd tukar sbb mlibatkan byk student skul lain msg2 dgn jadual berbeza. So, bdk2 pendidikan kna pg bincang dgn diaorg pny PA la nmpknya. Fuh.... Lega. Dah la hr tu dh tukar jadual KIT254 (Polimer) sbb clash dgn KAT241 (Kimia Analisis 2). Dh la ltk kt lunch hour plk tu. hadoi.... Tp xpe la. No harm done here. Clash jadual ni mmg masalah biasa kat USM ni (kat induk je la kot. x rs kt kampus lain ada mslh ni sbb skul kt sana x byk & xda ambik paper skul lain sgt). Apa solution nye, x pyh la nak ambik subjek yg clash tu. Ambik sem lain kecuali kalau terpaksa ambik sem ni. Settle masalah. Btl x. Tp apa2 pun terpulang pd individu la nak ambik apa pun....

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Q & A for a laugh


Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?!!!!!!!!!!!! 
A: The boy friend's hand.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. "Your tail is in front".

Q: Secret of long life
A: Morning two eggs, evening two pegs... and night two legs

Pesta Hoki


Finally. Kepenatan pesta hoki dh selesai. Lega btl. W/pun x seperti yg diharapkan tp it's ok. At least it went smoothly (ye ker????). Mesti korg agak pelik knp lps hampir smggu baru aku update. Aku penat la wei. Byk btl bnda nak buat last minit. Tensyen pun ada. tu x termasuk perangai org2 lg. huhuhu.

Byk btl peristiwa yg berlaku. Babak gadoh2, x puas hati, drama air mata pun ada. Mcm astro pny tagline, "macam2 ada". Benda mcm ni mmg x pdt dielakkan kalau bekerja dlm group. Group 10 org pun byk problem, apatah lg group yg sampai 200 org. Sah2 la lg byk problem.

Aku pun ada gak x puas hati. Mamat sorg ni. Aku tau la ko tu berpengalaman. Tp x yah la nak show off. Aku tau aku pernah kerja bwh ko. Tp skrg kita satu level bro. Bkn aku x blh terima org ajar, tp cara ko tu yg aku x berapa nak berkenan sgt. Nsb baik aku x bkn jenis mnusia yg ambik ht sgt. Pastu ada sorg bdk ni buat hal plk. Dia buat muka plak. Aik???? Lepak la bro. Bknnya aku bg kerja berat pun. Angkat2 brg ckit je. Pastu rehat. Lepak2 leh tgk game. Aku bg kerja mcm tu pun nk buat muka. Tobat x nak kerja dgn ko lg lps ni.

Overall nya Pesta Hoki thn ni byk lompang di sana sini. Dr atas sampai bwh, ada je masalah yg timbul. Mmg aku ada buat slp sana & sini. Aku ngaku. Aku x perfect. Lgpun ni 1st time jd lead 1 department sejak 3 thn. Dh la event bsr plak tu. Kalau ada slh silap, maafkan la ye. Tp jgn risau, aku belajar dr kesilapan & akan cuba buat lbh baik utk Pesta Hoki thn dpn plak. Chaiyok....

Lps ni TOT plak mnanti. Jd head of department lg. EKSPEN plak, actually aku sgt reluctant nak join sbb dpt department yg aku x suka & x pernah buat. Dh la jd head of department plak tu. Aiyooooo. Tp mngenangkan kwn2. Aku akan cuba gak. Tp kalau lps ni aku tiba2 resign, sorry ek korg. Aku x mampu.

Skrg ni tgh bercuti di rumah. Korg jgn igt kt Sarawak x de BB. 3G lg tu w/pun kt kpg je. Hahahaha. 2 mggu pun dh ckp mmbosankan. Nk main game pun x de mood. Nk update blog mls plak. Ni pun sbb boring sgt la aku update blog aku ni. X sbr nak blk USM. Tp tiket x bli lg. LOL....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Return my horse!

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Gunung Berapi Meletop


Sblm aku mula, mintak maaf sekiranya korg x paham apa yg aku tulis dlm bhs melayu sarawak ni. Ok....

Dlm 2 mggu tok, dh byk aku nangga member2 aku meletup. Sbb nya???? Mcm2 la. Bekelai dgn org tok lah, bencik dgn sidak ya lah. Mcm2 hal jak sidak ya. Aku???? Blm gik kali. Aku kn jenis org nak jrg meletup. Tp bila dah meletup, kalah gunung merapi kali. Jd, iboh sampe aku meletup. Ok????

Aku mok crita ttg org nak meletup ya dgn org yg mencetus letupan ya. 1st skali, org nak meletup ya. Nang x dpt dinafikan, nya mun molah kerja ok w/pun x lah rajin gilak. Ok la. Siap juak kerja nya. Tp sigek jak aku x suka dgn nya. Nya sensitif gilak. Baruk org tego sikit dh merajuk. Dh nangis. Dah molah muka. Cik adik. Mun camya lah perangei kau, sampe bila2 pun kau di sia jak lah. Sik kan kau ke sine2. Ya baruk sama dirik nego. Mun klak dah kerja bos nganok lg teruk. Sik kan lah time ya pun kau mok molah kedak ya. Kenak berenti kerja la kau mun molah camya dpn bos kau kelak. Grow up la sikit. Kebal kn sikit hati ya. Iboh ambik hati gilak. Pike blt. Sine salah aku sampe aku kenak anok sampe mcm ya. Ok....

Tok kisah org nak mencetuskan letupan ya gik. Dah la sik pande molah kerja. Ngarah org jak pande. Make pengaruh org lain sak nya dpt jawatan. Time org lain molah kerja, nya rilek jak. Sik nya ngecol muka nya. Dah dekat2 nak hari kejadian tok, baruk dirik ngecol muka. Mun aku jd ketua, xda ku ngambik org mcm kau. Dah la x pande molah kerja, ngarah org, nganok org suka ati jak. Kau ingat org lain sik da ati kah? Mcm tunggul kayu nak blh ko anok ikut suka ati kau. Nsb bait x kenak rah aku. Mun dpt rah aku, maok terdudok nya kali nerimak kata2 aku nak lbh pedas dr cabik tok kali. Cik adik, mun cam tok lah perangei kau, sorry lah., sik da org akan suka kerja dgn kau. Nang bena, kita bukan kerja utk disukai org. Tp mun dah sik da org suka dgn kita, sik dapat juak kita olah kerja. Ubah dirik ya utk ms depan dirik empun.

Aku x nyebelah mana2 pihak sbb aku pun sik tau apa nak jd sbnrnya. Aku nulis to pun based on pemerhatian & crita2 org sekeliling aku. Dua2 belah salah. Dua2 pihak harus berubah. Hrp2 sik lah sampe ke satu thp aku pun meletup juak dgn sidak 2 org tok. Mun aku meletup juak, iboh mimpi aku mok cool down laju. Ok. Peace No War....

Monday, December 6, 2010

Pesta Sukan & Kebudayaan Belia Malaysia


Dh hbs satu aktiviti. Sbnr nya smlm lg dh hbs tp dsbbkn jln2 dgn unusual group of friends, terlajak la pula sampai ke malam. Mls nk update time tu. So, tangguh la ke hr ni. hihihihi....

Secara keseluruhannya event tu ok. Tp to be frank, byk jgk yg aku x puas hati. Especially psl pengurusan dia la. For those puas hati dgn management dia, I just have 1 thing to say. You weren't day when it happen. 1st day was a total disaster. There are problems when there should have any. Mmg la, problem mmg significant dgn event management, but what that piss me of is that they cannot handle the problem properly. Maybe diaorg krg preparation kot. I don't know.

Psl diaorg pch kn my team into bits and pieces ok fine, I can still accept it. Maybe there too many people there. Tp yg plik nya, dh diaorg sampai ke tempat baru, they still have NOTHING to do. Ada lebihan plak. Kesian diaorg kena lari ke sana ke sini. Rs mcm bola yg kena tendang pun ada.

By day 2, things seems to get better. But still, aku x thn dgn org yg ckp kt dpn tu. Hello.... Org dh penat, hr dah lewat, and he still tell his jokes that are not funny at all. Oh please uncle. Dan aku rs, org yg gelak tu mgkn sbb tpaksa gelak sbb nk sdpkn hati dia je. Kot2 blh dpt $$$ lbh.

One more thing yg aku x puas hati. Psl food dia la. Especially ms hr perasmian. Byk giler yg lbh. From what I heard from my friend yg jg makanan tu, there were around 1000 packets of food left. What a waste. The thing is, ms awal2 org nak ambik 2 diaorg x nak bg (not my friend la. the person who's from the catering). So, every1 ambik 1 je. By the end of the opening ceremony, byk giler yg lbh. Ms tu la cbuk nak bg kt org. Ckp nnti bos marah kalau x hbs. Ms tu semua org dah kenyang (around 11 at that time). So x ramai la yg ambik. Last2, terbuang mcm tu je. Time closing pun hmpr jd mcm tu, tp nsb baikla x sbyk opening tu.

What done is done. Tulis sampai 20 page pun x guna. Looking forward for my next event. Pesta Hoki. Till then, adios amigos....

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Disappearing Jobs: High-Paying Careers With No Future

1. Judge

Politicians can argue whether the best quality for a judge is empathy or an ability to call balls and strikes, but here's a different perspective: What you really need is patience. By 2018, the BLS predicts that there will be 700 fewer jobs for judges, magistrate judges, and magistrates, than there were in 2008, thanks mainly to budget cuts. And since the average tenure for a judge is 14 years, turnover is glacial. "Years ago, some left to become general counsel in the private sector, where they could triple their salary, but since the economic downturn, they're staying longer on the bench," says Tamara Dillon, who researches the occupation for the BLS.

2. Fashion Designer

Call it Project Turnaway. By 2018, only 200 more designers will find work in a field that employed 22,700 people as of 2008. That's about 2 percent of the number who applied to become Project Runway contestants in 2009, estimates Carol-Hannah Whitfield, who was a finalist on the show that year. "The world doesn't need another designer," Whitfield says.

3. Insurance Underwriter

Blame it on the software. New programs allow underwriters to take on three times as much work as in the past, collapsing the need for more hires. As a result, the BLS projects that the number of people employed in the field will decline by 4 percent, or 4,300 jobs, by 2018. "[The underwriter] just punches in data, and it spits out, say, whether a potential homebuyer is approved or not," says Henry Kasper, supervisory economist at the BLS. Growth in the insurance industry isn't exactly exploding either, further undermining the career outlook for underwriters.

4. Travel Agent

Call it the Attack of the Roaming Gnome: Online sites such as Travelocity, Priceline.com, Expedia, and Orbitz have decimated the ranks of travel agents as consumers increasingly book their own trips. The BLS expects 1,200 fewer travel agents to be employed in 2018 than in 2008. And the number of traditional travel agencies has been sliced in half — from a peak of 44,000 in 1997 to about 20,000 today, according to Douglas Quinby of PhoCusWright, a travel industry research company based in Sherman, Connecticut.

5. Newspaper Reporter

Read it and weep: According to the BLS, a whopping 4,400 jobs will disappear by 2018 (out of 69,400 total in 2008). That's more than three times the number of newsroom employees at The New York Times. The bad news for print can be summed up in one word: Internet. "Some of the print people are finding jobs online," says Lauren Csorny, an economist at the BLS. "But there aren't enough to make up for the losses." No wonder that newspaper reporters ranked No. 184 out of 200 jobs, one slot above stevedore, in CareerCast.com's annual JobsRated survey.

6. Broadcast Announcer

he play-by-play for this occupation isn't pretty. Consolidation has eliminated many jobs already, and technology is hijacking off-air tasks, such as editing, once performed by announcers (and future announcers paying their dues). Add the increased use of syndication and the growth of satellite radio and the picture is even bleaker. By 2018, broadcasting is expected to lose 2,400 radio and TV announcer jobs.

7. Plant Manager

Automation and offshoring will decimate the ranks of production managers by 2018. According to the BLS, employment will drop by 11,900 jobs from a 2008 total of 156,100. With faster machines and better productivity, one plant can do the work of two, squeezing managers out. Increased imports of manufactured goods will do additional damage. With 50 percent of the textile industry moving off-shore, for example, half the plant managers in that sector are at risk of losing their jobs. The outlook is equally bleak for managers in the computer, electronics, and auto parts industries.

8. Chemist

Nearly half of all chemists are employed in manufacturing firms — plastics, pesticides, and paint, to name a few. And that's a bummer for them, because manufacturing companies are continuing to outsource their R&D and testing to small, specialized firms, cutting job opportunities for in-house chemists. The profession lost 42,000 jobs from 2008 to 2009, according to Chemical and Engineering News, and the BLS projects only a 2 percent rise in the total number of chemists employed by 2018.

9. Economist

The Federal government is the largest employer of economists in the country. More than half — 53 percent — of all economists in the U.S. work for declining government sectors, so Uncle Sam's not hiring a lot of economists just now. "Econ" is a hot college major, but most of those newly-minted grads won't find work as traditional economists. Instead, they'll end up in niche sectors in business, finance, insurance, and education. Those set on working as conventional economists better have a Plan B, or a Plan Ph.D, because they'll need one. The economists at BLS do tell us that by 2018, an additional 900 economists will be employed — so the outlook is not as dismal for dismal scientists as it is for, say, travel agents. But if current trends continue, the future isn't promising. "You look at the last 10 to15 years and it has been flat," says Henry Kasper of the BLS. "There's little reason to think it's going to get better."

10. CEO

OK, it's not a profession, but it's worth keeping in mind if you aspire to the corner office: Mergers and streamlining will make the climb to the top harder than K2, as companies combine and jobs are eliminated. The BLS projects that there will be 5,500 fewer CEOs by 2018. To boost your odds, consider Rosetta Stone; CEO candidates should be fluent in at least two languages, says Patricia Tate of the BLS. So if you speak Spanish, Arabic, or Chinese, félicitations.